Understanding - Personal Practice

This last week I was really agitated because I felt like I wasn’t being understood.

I felt like I was a becoming a bit of a martyr with regard to the issue at hand.

It’s odd I felt this way because my perspective was being accepted and accommodated, but it wasn’t being understood.

I wanted desperately to be understood.  

I still do!

But I realized I can’t force understanding on someone else.  I have to let time bring understanding to the situation.

It was the realization in reflection upon “understanding” that I remembered times in my life when it took a long time for me to gain understanding regarding a point another was trying to make.

When the “light bulb went on” for me in those times, sometimes I could reflect back years and think “Oh, that’s what they meant!”

When I realized this I had more understanding for the other person who was trying so hard to accommodate me, even though they could not honestly understand why I was (or am) so agitated.

Sometimes our life experience leads us to a perspective, a view of how things ought to be.  This then leads us to live life in a way that we understand and feel is the right way to live life.  The challenge with this is that others most likely will not have that same perspective until they gain the same understanding.

I want patience and understanding when I do not agree with another person’s perspective.  So I choose to practice understanding, even when understanding is all I’m asking for.

I’m honestly struggling with this practice.  The situation I’m requesting understanding on is coming up in similar circumstance.  It’s hard not to see it, blatantly. 

I trust with practice and a kind approach to point out why I’m agitated I’ll be able to calm down more quickly each time a similar situation arises until the other person gains understanding.

I’ll continue to practice understanding!

Understanding - Yoga Lesson

There are times when we feel so desperate to have others see our point of view and be understanding.

We press and press to be heard.

We can’t see how the other does not have our perspective on a situation or circumstance.

If we take the time to reflect back on times when it took us bit longer than another may have hoped it would take us to grasp their perspective, we may gain some understanding.

Understanding does not always happen as fast as we want it to.  It may take hours, days, weeks, or years.

If you tell someone your perspective and ask for their understanding, that is usually as far as you can go.  The rest is up to the other person.

If it’s important that the other person understand you, tell them that.  Then let it go.

Time and experience give us all a deeper understanding.

When understanding happens, it will be clear.  

Be Understanding in your quest to receive Understanding.

Community - Personal Practice

It’s a challenge to step out of single minded behavior!  I so wanted to do my own thing this past week, many times!

Not that doing things on my own is a bad thing, it can be a Great Thing!  In fact, I find it rejuvenating to get out and go for a run on my own or to take care of chores by myself.  And I did.

But I also made adjustments to my normal routine this week for the sake of being part of something larger than myself.  Which I truly want to be!

I let go of the need to meet some selfish goals and expectations of myself and gave that time to others.

I spent more time on a project at work.  I continue to work on the project to make it better in an attempt to help others when I am no longer available to them.  I’m investing in their success!  I hope they will do the same for someone else someday.  

I made choices to forgo activities I planned and spent that time instead with a loved one.  I did this because I want the person to know that I love them and I am willing to make sacrifices for the health of the relationship.

I adjusted my schedule to make time for friends I hadn’t spent time with in a while.  The time spent was quality and relaxing.  I felt the honest and mutual appreciation of our friendship and I’m grateful to have wonderful people in my life.

I made a phone call in the attempt to reconnect with a friend.  I haven’t heard back.

I made a selfish choice too.

I made a personal choice to forgo an event for my own sake.  This choice left me struggling on how to tell my friend that they could not rely on me to attend the event.  I had the option of sending a card with my regrets.  Instead, I put aside my fear of disappointing my friend and picked up the phone and was honest about my choice.  It left me feeling lighter after the personal interaction.  I also felt closer to the individual as we had a chance to catch up on our lives in a short time and make tentative plans to get together in the future.

All the activity led me to think about the value of being part of a Community!  How each of these relationships enrich my life.  

I felt struggle with each of these specifically because I had planned out my life for the week in a way that was most suitable to me as an individual.

I thought back to choices I had made in recent years to participate more and join communities.  Joining the communities brought me to these people who I have become close with.  I feel more connected and I feel like a stronger person because of these relationships that community brought me to.

So, I put my individual needs aside and had one of the best weeks!

Some communities are easy, some are hard.  They each have a time and place in life.

But they are all worth it!

Community - Yoga Lesson

Community usually brings to mind associations with a group of like minded people.

In reality a community can be family, partners, class mates, work associates, sports groups, and of course yoga communities.

It’s something that brings us together for a cause that is bigger than ourselves.

Hopefully the community offers you inspiration.

Though, at times we can struggle.  We may not feel an association to others, to a community.

The struggle intensifies if we draw within ourselves, let fear take over, or tell ourselves we are not good enough.

Catch yourself if you start to think this way.  Stop and recognize your thoughts.

Look at your communities and make adjustments to bring back inspiration.  Refrain from looking or feeling silly or feeling like you may not be good enough to belong to a community.  

We all offer something.  We all have our talents.  It’s finding that extension of our self with others that may make a talent shine!

It’s okay to adjust the course and try new things and to push our edge of comfort!

Challenge makes us better!  Communities make us better!

Insight - Personal Practice

I tried to gain insight of those closest to me as I transition to a life more in line with my values.

As I did so, all I could hear were the voices of my past.  

I was stuck in my perspective of life.  My experiences

I was thinking of my past and future.  I started to spiral in frustration.

Then I asked for help.  I sought the objective perspective.  

I talked of my perspective of others and their expectations of me.  I spoke of my life and all the highs and lows.  I was brutal and honest about myself.  

I did my best to gain understand what others might be thinking or feeling.  I wanted to be sympathetic to the feelings and needs of others.

Then I was gently reminded that there is no way for me to ever know what is truly in the minds of others.  I have to rely upon the other to tell me, just as they have to rely upon me to tell them.

I sat and thought long and hard about any recent struggles I may have had in communication which led to frustration either by my self or others.

I took a long hard look at myself and came to the realization that I lash out and build walls when my independence is challenged.  

I expressed this to a loved one upon realization of a core value issue I have.  I did this to offer insight.

In response I found a core value in the loved one to be a need for partnership.

We had both known this to some extent of one another, but with the self realization of us both and the ability to provide insight of ourselves with the other we could move past a point of frustration as we recognized the point of contention in each of our core values.

I could not have moved past this and started to work on the real issue without first knowing myself.

I’m learning how to gain deeper insight of myself and using it to communicate with others.

I have Insight!

Insight - Yoga Lesson

So often we think we know what is best for another.

We think because we’ve “been there and done that” we have superior knowledge on a subject or situation.

But how can that be the case?  How can we know all there is to know about another’s life experiences and how they perceive the world or any given situation?

We can’t.

So it goes back to that old saying “live and let live”.  

We can’t fix another person with our insight.  We can only fix ourselves.

So why not start there?  Why not fix our own individual lives first and offer our insight of ourselves as guidance to others in the hope it may give them more depth and to the insight of their own lives?

We may learn a little something about ourselves along the way.

Practice knowing yourself!

Be Here! - Personal Practice

It’s not easy to be in the here and now when you’ve taken a step back to regain self awareness.

All the expectations others have of you are still there.

I hadn’t been saying no, or saying what I was thinking, all in the attempt to gain acceptance and approval.  I hadn’t been honest with myself or others.

It felt so good to realize what I want out of life and accept who I am, but with that acceptance came the delivery to those in my life that I needed to be more true to myself.

I decided to start saying no and attempted to gently request support from those closest to me.  I asked that they understand the changes I needed to make to ensure I live life to its fullest.  I just knew this would help me to be the best I could be and make me better for those around me.

This was not received well.

I received resistance and requests to go back to my old ways.  I was shocked and angry that these requests were being made of me.  

All I could see was how selfish those in my life were, that they were only thinking of their needs and would continue to abuse me if I let them.  Walls started to come up and I reflected upon past experiences, similar situations.  

I compared the people in my life to people from my past.  I was feeling resentful and angry.

I recognized that I was feeling this way.  I didn’t know what to do.

Then I remembered.  It was simple.  I just had to Be Here!

I decided I needed to be here and let each moment be.  I had to recognize my emotions and do the best I could to keep them in check.  I decided to not force my perspective on others.  All I could do was ask for their support.  

In making these changes I recognized that I may have to give a little.  I may need to offer some of my old ways to make the transition smoother.  I knew this would be painful for me, but I would clearly state to those in my life that I am doing something I do not wish to do at the moment, but I am doing it for their sake as an offering in the transition.

Sometimes a person does things they do not want to in order to make life better for the ones they care about.  I decided I could do this in small doses as I transition.

I decided to do these acts with awareness and ensure others had that awareness too.

I decided to transition in each moment.

I Am Here!

Be Here! Yoga Lesson

It’s easier said than done to be here in this moment, now.

But why not practice it?

Life is full of past experiences and future expectations.  

Past experience is good as it gives us perspective on the things we like and do not like, or want and do not want for our lives.

It’s all relevant.

The challenge is taking past experience and future wants and applying them to the here and now.

Allowing the moment to be it’s own and letting the rest go.

Be Here!