Be Here! - Personal Practice

It’s not easy to be in the here and now when you’ve taken a step back to regain self awareness.

All the expectations others have of you are still there.

I hadn’t been saying no, or saying what I was thinking, all in the attempt to gain acceptance and approval.  I hadn’t been honest with myself or others.

It felt so good to realize what I want out of life and accept who I am, but with that acceptance came the delivery to those in my life that I needed to be more true to myself.

I decided to start saying no and attempted to gently request support from those closest to me.  I asked that they understand the changes I needed to make to ensure I live life to its fullest.  I just knew this would help me to be the best I could be and make me better for those around me.

This was not received well.

I received resistance and requests to go back to my old ways.  I was shocked and angry that these requests were being made of me.  

All I could see was how selfish those in my life were, that they were only thinking of their needs and would continue to abuse me if I let them.  Walls started to come up and I reflected upon past experiences, similar situations.  

I compared the people in my life to people from my past.  I was feeling resentful and angry.

I recognized that I was feeling this way.  I didn’t know what to do.

Then I remembered.  It was simple.  I just had to Be Here!

I decided I needed to be here and let each moment be.  I had to recognize my emotions and do the best I could to keep them in check.  I decided to not force my perspective on others.  All I could do was ask for their support.  

In making these changes I recognized that I may have to give a little.  I may need to offer some of my old ways to make the transition smoother.  I knew this would be painful for me, but I would clearly state to those in my life that I am doing something I do not wish to do at the moment, but I am doing it for their sake as an offering in the transition.

Sometimes a person does things they do not want to in order to make life better for the ones they care about.  I decided I could do this in small doses as I transition.

I decided to do these acts with awareness and ensure others had that awareness too.

I decided to transition in each moment.

I Am Here!