Calm - Personal Practice

It's amazing how time flies when you are working on something you feel passion for!

I've been working on a few projects that are dear to my heart for over a year and a half.  In this time I've taken many breaks from the main project, but it's always on my mind.

In recent months I have been digging a little deeper into the project, but here and there I've let myself get overwhelmed by my vision.  It's amazing how I can talk myself into multiple paths with one simple objective.

Then a few weeks back I buckled down and put a plan together.  The great thing about this plan is that I'm holding myself accountable by following the methodology of the project I'm working on.    

I know, based on reflection, that when I get into a project my standard approach is to devote myself completely to the project.  This is good and bad.

It's good that time flies and I feel a sense of accomplishment.

It's bad that I get so involved that I forget to be in the moment.  I start to think of the project in terms of perfection.

If interrupted I get anxious because I want to be working on the project.

If I get too close to a date in my plan that I need to deliver on, I feel pressure.

My world starts to get a bit chaotic as I push toward the future.

While reflecting I found myself thinking back to something I use to say years ago "patience is a virtue, of which I have none".  I use to think that was funny to say.  Now, I don't think it's so funny.  

Now when I catch myself thinking of that old saying, I'll practice breathing.  

I'll remind myself that the joy of life and of the project is in each moment.  I'll tell myself I can't predict exactly how things will turn out.  

If my project goes to plan it will evolve and get better and better over time, but I can't do it all on my own and I won't be perfect.

So I pat myself on my back for being self aware, but realize I still have a lot of practice to do.

I need to practice:

* Taking breaks and looking around me

* Remembering that nothing is perfect, least of all me.

* Breathing and staying calm 

I know I should be patient and calm as I practice.

But, can I be?

Back to practice to see!

Calm - Yoga Lesson

Each of us has had moments were we struggle to be calm.

At times you may feel pressure to correct something or to complete something ahead of schedule.

In these moments it's easy to think of only the past or the future.

When this is happening you may find yourself holding your breath and thinking you need to hurry up and fix your mistake or you need to be an overachiever and get further ahead.

Possibly you feel the world is spinning out of control and you are in complete chaos.  Maybe you start to feel there's no time to do everything you need to do.

When you find yourself feeling this way, why not ask yourself if you can be calm?

Why not implement a practice of noticing when you are feeling pressure and feeling anxious?

Then ask yourself if you can practice breathing deeply and find your calm center.

As you practice your breath, look up from what you are doing and observe what is around you.

Then, as you work to correct the past or work to get ahead, remind yourself the importance of the moment you are in, the joy of having the moment and being patient with it.

Practice your calm.

Reflection - Personal Practice

I found myself being irritated by small things this past week.  

Nothing significant or noteworthy especially.  It's just the day to day little things that get to me in life, but I move on after deciding that it's not really that big a deal to complain about because I'm sure the person irritating me isn't intentionally doing so.

The irony in this was that I was challenged for small irritating things I do.  

Now, this challenge visibly irritated me.

I countered the challenge by saying to the person "just let it go, be a happy person", and then remained quite the rest of the evening.

But then the next morning, I started to reflect on my own long list of irritants with this person.

I noticed that when I'm irritated with the small things in life I don't tell people I'm irritated.  I will pick up someone else's mess and grip about it to myself, but I soon forget about it and move onto the next thing on my task list.  All these small things seem, well, small.  That is until I feel attacked by the person regarding a small thing they are irritated with me about.

The troublesome thing about my behavior is that I get defensive, but I do so in my own mind.  The other person has no idea that I've decided I don't have to put up with such nonsense.  

The self talk goes something like: Look at all that I have done for this person and they don't even appreciate it, but they think it's okay to nag me about small things they want me to do.  What about what I want?!  How can they not notice all the small things I do for them?  Don't they know I don't want to do these things?  I do them to be nice!

I decided this self talk was destructive and took time to reflected on my past irritants with others.  I noticed the a trend...

I don't talk about the small things.

I start to feel justified in my dismissing the other's needs because I'm not getting what I need.

I talk myself into a life where I don't need anyone else...I'll just do everything myself.

In this reflection I noticed a big problem with the small things in my life.  I don't talk about them and I dwell on them with a negative attitude when it suits me.

So, it's my choice.  I can practice being more direct and honest about these small things in little doses or I can blow them out of proportion and get defensive when someone challenges me on something small.

Ah...the things you learn about yourself while in reflection.

Reflection - Yoga Lesson

Reflection can have positive and negative attributes. 

Some reasons we may reflect are to dwell on something or to return to a happy moment.

Why not practice reflection to learn something about yourself, to gain an understanding?

If you are dwelling, ask yourself why?  

If you are returning to a happy moment, why is the moment you are in not sufficient?

Take notice when you are reflecting and challenge yourself and learn something about yourself.

Reflection is what you make of it.

Sympathy - Personal Practice

Sympathy is something I expect.  

I am the type of person who expects sympathy when I feel sad or I'm hurt.

I had a situation this week that is challenging how I look at sympathy.

Whenever I have a visit with very good friends of mine who live far away I have two very strong emotions.

The first is pure excitement leading up to the day of my or their arrival and that feeling lasts the whole time we are visiting.

The second is complete and utter sadness the moment I or they leave.

In the past I have received complete sympathy from those around me when my friends departed.  I've received hugs or a gentle touch.  I've even received peep talks in which I was challenged to reflect upon the good times shared instead of my friends departure.  This instruction helped and I still use it to cheer myself up to this day.

Recently however I came across a situation in which I was feeling sad and was not offered sympathy.  

This threw me for a loop!  

I couldn't believe that I was not being offered sympathy!

After some time to think about this "lack of sympathy" and gripe about it with others, I calmed down.

Once calm I remembered that the person who did not give sympathy doesn't like it when I'm overly sympathetic.  Which I normally am.

An offer of a simple "that's too bad" or complete silence is preferred.  If I bring up the sadness or hurt at a later time to that person they get agitated and politely ask me to "drop it".

I don't know if I'll ever get use to people feeling differently than I do, and that doesn't apply to only sympathy.

I can remember a situation in which a friend was offended by the offer of sympathy extended by another.  The friend felt it wasn't sincere.  At the time, I agreed.

Now, I might challenge that friend by saying to them that possibly the other person is doing the best they can based on their perspective of sympathy.

My practice is to allow others to feel as they do, but ask others to respect how I feel.  

Some people I may have to flat out ask for a hug verses expect it.

That seems to be a common theme I come back to, "My Expectations".

Expectations aside, I will practice to ask for what I need.  

I will also continue to offer sympathy as that is part of who I am and how I show I care when someone is sad or hurt.  

Sympathy - Yoga Lesson

We all need sympathy at times.

Maybe you feel you don't need sympathy. 

Maybe it makes you uncomfortable to receive sympathy and you have a hard time offering it to others.

Maybe you are the type of person who can feel the emotions of others and offer sympathy when you can.

Challenge yourself with regard to sympathy.

We all offer and receive sympathy differently.

The challenge is in communicating to someone that you have the best intentions, or that you have needs they may not have.

It's an exercise in allowing yourself and others to feel as you do.  

Be sympathetic.

Justification - Personal Practice

I've come across some tough situations lately and I've felt a bit confused on what is best for me.

In these tough situations my wants have been challenged.

I find myself debating the pro's and con's of my behavior and why it's best if I do what I want.

How do I know I've been doing this?

I'm creating drama!

My ego is telling me it's okay to behave a certain way or do things that I want to do.  If my ethics and morals are challenged I start to get dramatic.  

I've even gone so far as to feel sorry for myself and find a way to blame someone else for how I have been feeling.

Blaming someone else is the last straw for me!  

In my practice of self awareness and self responsibility I know that self pity and finding fault in someone else is a sign that I need to challenge myself.  I also need to reflect upon challenges that have been given to me recently that are causing my ego to get all prideful.

In reflection, I'm what some people would coin as "Too close to the fire".  I'm deep in my thoughts and conniving to get my way.  

I'm simply finding a way to justify my thoughts and behavior.

This is unacceptable!

This is not practicing self awareness.  What it is, is practicing getting what I want.  Being manipulative. 

The worst part about it is I'm manipulating myself.  I'm lying to myself.

If this is what a practice of justification will bring me, I don't want a part of it.

All this drama is tiresome.

The best part of this lesson, I've been practicing enough to realize I needed to challenge and question myself when my gut is telling me that my behavior is self destructive.

I voiced some of my concerns about my thoughts to those closest to me and I was met with challenge.  No black or white opinions were given to me by the people in my life.  They gave me new ways to look at my concerns.  Their patience and thoughtfulness made the difference.

As I practice it appears justification suits the person doing the justifying.  

So in reflection on justification, I think I better be careful when I catch myself justifying!

Justification - Yoga Lesson

We all feel justified at times.

We work out logic with ourselves or others to benefit ourselves.

We can explain almost anything away as justifiable.

Maybe you are doing this with regard to something in your life?

It could be as simple as justifying why you deserve a piece of cake, or something as complex as justifying to yourself that a relationship is hurtful and not good for you.

Why not challenge yourself to look at all the reasons you are justifying to yourself?

Maybe you do need the calories after a hard day of work, but do you really need empty calories?

Maybe someone in your life hurt your feelings, but they did it to make you think about your decisions because they care about you?

There are many ways to look at one situation, and there are many ways to justify a decision you make with regard to that one situation.

It's up to you.  It's always up to you!

Significant - Personal Practice

I recently found myself a bit stressed out.  I felt I wasn't moving fast enough on a project that I felt would add significance to my life.

I found myself feeling a bit small and wondering what my purpose in life would be if I fail at my project.

Then I started to reflect back on things that I have accomplished that made a difference in my life or the lives of others.  

This was all well and good, but what was and is really significant in reflection of these "things / deeds" are the relationships cultivated.

I know that my smile and laughter is something others comment on often.  I've been told by strangers to do both more!

These simple acts in themselves are significant!

Some of my simple favorite deeds I receive from others are the feel of a smile being returned or someone's laughter that brightened my day.

What a great feeling it is to be talking to someone who has a smile on their face or in their voice!

Each moment we all have an opportunity to brighten our day or the day of someone else with simple gestures.  

It's a practice to smile when you don't feel like it, but when we remember the impact of something so small we can feel true significance in our existence.

So, I'll keep doing what I have been doing all along.  

I'll smile big and laugh as often as I can!  It's part of who I am.

Significant - Yoga Lesson

There are times when each of us feel that we lack significance.

In reality, we are each very significant.

The smile you extend to a stranger, the door you open for someone else, the good deed you do out of the kindness of your heart.  These are all significant acts.

How about being yourself?  The person that simply "is".

Your significance is in being at peace with who you are.

You are significant and without your presence something is missing.

Everything you do makes a difference, including just being.

The next time you feel yourself dwelling on your purpose, take a moment to remember that it's all the the small things that make a difference.  

Sure the big things in life are wonderful, but you are so much more than one significant accomplishment or moment.  

Every moment you are significant!