Reflection - Personal Practice

I found myself being irritated by small things this past week.  

Nothing significant or noteworthy especially.  It's just the day to day little things that get to me in life, but I move on after deciding that it's not really that big a deal to complain about because I'm sure the person irritating me isn't intentionally doing so.

The irony in this was that I was challenged for small irritating things I do.  

Now, this challenge visibly irritated me.

I countered the challenge by saying to the person "just let it go, be a happy person", and then remained quite the rest of the evening.

But then the next morning, I started to reflect on my own long list of irritants with this person.

I noticed that when I'm irritated with the small things in life I don't tell people I'm irritated.  I will pick up someone else's mess and grip about it to myself, but I soon forget about it and move onto the next thing on my task list.  All these small things seem, well, small.  That is until I feel attacked by the person regarding a small thing they are irritated with me about.

The troublesome thing about my behavior is that I get defensive, but I do so in my own mind.  The other person has no idea that I've decided I don't have to put up with such nonsense.  

The self talk goes something like: Look at all that I have done for this person and they don't even appreciate it, but they think it's okay to nag me about small things they want me to do.  What about what I want?!  How can they not notice all the small things I do for them?  Don't they know I don't want to do these things?  I do them to be nice!

I decided this self talk was destructive and took time to reflected on my past irritants with others.  I noticed the a trend...

I don't talk about the small things.

I start to feel justified in my dismissing the other's needs because I'm not getting what I need.

I talk myself into a life where I don't need anyone else...I'll just do everything myself.

In this reflection I noticed a big problem with the small things in my life.  I don't talk about them and I dwell on them with a negative attitude when it suits me.

So, it's my choice.  I can practice being more direct and honest about these small things in little doses or I can blow them out of proportion and get defensive when someone challenges me on something small.

Ah...the things you learn about yourself while in reflection.