Justification - Personal Practice

I've come across some tough situations lately and I've felt a bit confused on what is best for me.

In these tough situations my wants have been challenged.

I find myself debating the pro's and con's of my behavior and why it's best if I do what I want.

How do I know I've been doing this?

I'm creating drama!

My ego is telling me it's okay to behave a certain way or do things that I want to do.  If my ethics and morals are challenged I start to get dramatic.  

I've even gone so far as to feel sorry for myself and find a way to blame someone else for how I have been feeling.

Blaming someone else is the last straw for me!  

In my practice of self awareness and self responsibility I know that self pity and finding fault in someone else is a sign that I need to challenge myself.  I also need to reflect upon challenges that have been given to me recently that are causing my ego to get all prideful.

In reflection, I'm what some people would coin as "Too close to the fire".  I'm deep in my thoughts and conniving to get my way.  

I'm simply finding a way to justify my thoughts and behavior.

This is unacceptable!

This is not practicing self awareness.  What it is, is practicing getting what I want.  Being manipulative. 

The worst part about it is I'm manipulating myself.  I'm lying to myself.

If this is what a practice of justification will bring me, I don't want a part of it.

All this drama is tiresome.

The best part of this lesson, I've been practicing enough to realize I needed to challenge and question myself when my gut is telling me that my behavior is self destructive.

I voiced some of my concerns about my thoughts to those closest to me and I was met with challenge.  No black or white opinions were given to me by the people in my life.  They gave me new ways to look at my concerns.  Their patience and thoughtfulness made the difference.

As I practice it appears justification suits the person doing the justifying.  

So in reflection on justification, I think I better be careful when I catch myself justifying!