Sympathy - Personal Practice

Sympathy is something I expect.  

I am the type of person who expects sympathy when I feel sad or I'm hurt.

I had a situation this week that is challenging how I look at sympathy.

Whenever I have a visit with very good friends of mine who live far away I have two very strong emotions.

The first is pure excitement leading up to the day of my or their arrival and that feeling lasts the whole time we are visiting.

The second is complete and utter sadness the moment I or they leave.

In the past I have received complete sympathy from those around me when my friends departed.  I've received hugs or a gentle touch.  I've even received peep talks in which I was challenged to reflect upon the good times shared instead of my friends departure.  This instruction helped and I still use it to cheer myself up to this day.

Recently however I came across a situation in which I was feeling sad and was not offered sympathy.  

This threw me for a loop!  

I couldn't believe that I was not being offered sympathy!

After some time to think about this "lack of sympathy" and gripe about it with others, I calmed down.

Once calm I remembered that the person who did not give sympathy doesn't like it when I'm overly sympathetic.  Which I normally am.

An offer of a simple "that's too bad" or complete silence is preferred.  If I bring up the sadness or hurt at a later time to that person they get agitated and politely ask me to "drop it".

I don't know if I'll ever get use to people feeling differently than I do, and that doesn't apply to only sympathy.

I can remember a situation in which a friend was offended by the offer of sympathy extended by another.  The friend felt it wasn't sincere.  At the time, I agreed.

Now, I might challenge that friend by saying to them that possibly the other person is doing the best they can based on their perspective of sympathy.

My practice is to allow others to feel as they do, but ask others to respect how I feel.  

Some people I may have to flat out ask for a hug verses expect it.

That seems to be a common theme I come back to, "My Expectations".

Expectations aside, I will practice to ask for what I need.  

I will also continue to offer sympathy as that is part of who I am and how I show I care when someone is sad or hurt.