Who Am I - Who I Am - Personal Practice

I have been trying hard to be everything to everyone.

And I didn’t even realize it!

It’s been so ingrained in me to work hard and “do it all”!

All my practice of self awareness and I missed this!  Ugh!

We can lead these lives and practice our self awareness and think we know who we are and then old behaviors creep up on us in times of stress.

This happened to me.  I was frustrated and anxious, working hard to meet goals, be there for others in my life, and complete all my work projects.

Then I snapped.  I asked myself “Who Am I”?  Where am I going?  What am I achieving by all this running around?

I took a break.  I asked myself if I truly knew myself.

I listed out all of my values and what is important to me and how I define myself.

Then I listed out how I have been behaving and if I thought that this behavior was me.

Yes and no.  I have behavior that is ingrained in me and is part of who I am, but much of it is ego driven.  Fueled by the need for acceptance I will not say no, even though I should.

Take a moment and remove the ego and I allow myself the luxury of saying no.  I prioritize based on my values.  I then am able to tell myself “Who I Am”.

I can’t expect that I will have complete self awareness overnight, or that I have gained anything close to total self awareness over the past years in my practice.  But I continue to try.  I continue to practice.

With each step in this journey I gain the self awareness that helps me to lead a happier and healthier life.

I feel full of cliché’s but “I’m not where I want to be, but I’m sure glad I’m not where I was”.  Mean that I can recognize when I don’t know who I am anymore and that I feel lost.  I can stop and take a needed break to gain back my self awareness and what it is I want out of my life.  

I know “Who I Am”!

Who Am I - Who I Am - Yoga Lesson

It’s easy to get caught up in “standards” and “expectations”.  

We can try so hard to accomplish all that is expected of us and loose track of who we are and start to ask ourselves “Who Am I”.

It can be overwhelming!  Running ourselves ragged to accomplish the next thing on the list of society standards in hope that will lead us to some sort of happiness.

Why not ask yourself “Who I Am”?

Why not write a short blurb that you could use to describe yourself to others.  Take out all the things that you “think” you should say about who you are.  

This is a great place to start!

Take the time to be.  

Allow yourself the ability to say to yourself “Who I Am” instead of “Who Am I”.

Let go of the expectations.  

You are “You”!

Leap - Personal Practice

I have wanted to make some changes in my life for some time now.  Drastic changes!

I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  

I have been so attached to the way I live my life and have been living it for a long time.

Then I slowly started to notice changes in my personality and how I was living my life that lead me down a path I had been on before.  Deeply entrenched in a way of living I wanted so badly to escape and had almost accomplished it once.

By “a path I had been on before” I mean that I started to find ways to “Band-Aid” my life.  I felt that I could persevere through this or that by fixing it with a “Band-Aid”.  For example; a new house, new friends, a new car, a new eating routine, or a new exercise routine.  And the list goes on.

It’s empowering and exciting to think of a “Band-Aid”.  If you are like me you start to think how that is going to make you happy and make the things you are having difficulty with easier to bear.

Years ago I took a break from this way of thinking.  I tried to stop “Band-Aiding” my life.  It worked for a while, but then I found myself getting scared of the change in life-style and subtly started the process of adding the “Band-Aid’s” again.  I did this until I was right back on the path I had been down before.

This week has been different!  I took a leap!  

I decided to make a drastic change.  But I do not take this change lightly.  My challenge is to take a new attitude and to take personal responsibility for myself and my attitude toward life.  

This means I will be more aware of the “Band-Aid’s” I try to add to my life.  I will practice being responsible for my happiness from within.  I am my house.  I am my mode of transportation.  I am what I eat.  I am responsible for my health.  I am my best friend!

All the things I look to fix my life, I will stop and ask myself if I have it within first.  I will ask myself if I need the external “Band-Aid” or if I can “Self Heal”.

This I know will not be easy.  I want this change.  I will own responsibility on this journey.

I’m glad I took the Leap!!!

Leap - Yoga Lesson

What does it mean to you to leap?  Maybe it’s taking a risk or trusting your instincts?

So often we want to take a chance and do something different, but then we start to think about all the ramifications of a leap.

We have difficulty stepping out of our routines or visualizing our future outside of the path we have started on.

How about taking a look at some of the leaps you would like to make, but are over thinking, and determining where they fit on a low to high risk scale.

If you need more time to think about it, most likely you are not ready.  This is okay!

Remember, change can be scary.

Something we want to do deep in our hearts may require changes to our life that we want, but are difficult to implement all at once.  

Take small steps.  Give yourself time as needed.

On the other hand, if you are itching to take a leap to change and you can answer with passion from deep within that you are ready and want to change.  Do it!

Leap!

Look In The Mirror - Personal Practice

I have noticed a consistent message being delivered from those closest to me over the last months.  The message has been that I should accept help.

The funny thing with this is I want help.  I ask for help.  When it comes time for someone to provide the help, I decline it or do it myself before they can deliver the help.

I identified a trait of mine and it’s, I like to do it myself.

I also see this workaholic trait I have in which I do everything myself because I think I can do it best.  

How many years I have wasted as a martyr!  Oh woos with me, I have to do it all myself because no one will help me.  Or, the attitude that, no one understands how hard I work or what my work is like.  If they did understand then they wouldn’t put so many pressures on me in personal life.  

Ugh!

It all comes to my inability to ask for help.  

With this trait I find I pass a lot of judgment onto those closest to me because I think they should be working harder or I shouldn’t have to ask for help as they would just know what needs to be done.

It all came to a head this past week, my inability to ask for help or receive it.

First I caused someone I care about to have hurt feelings because I took care of a chore on my own without giving them a chance to help.  

Second I refused to accept help from a teacher in Yoga Class of all places.  I actually argued with her during class about the adjustment, with a smile on my face no less.  I started to pass judgment on her teaching style harshly within my mind.  Then I realized, Woo Nelly!  Stop!  You are passing judgment.  Why?

As I lay there in class my behavior hit me like a truck in the chest!  I realized WOW I need to let others help me.  I won’t always know the best way and I can’t always do it myself.  

The practice of being in the moment really paid off as I just received the lesson of a lifetime from a teacher that didn’t even know how much she had helped me.

I thanked her for the class and apologized for my behavior.

Thank goodness for the practice of self awareness!  

Look In The Mirror - Yoga Lesson

Looking in the mirror is tough for many of us.

It’s easier, or maybe even entertaining to pass judgment.  When we preoccupy our time with passing judgment we don’t have to do the hard work of looking at ourselves.

When we focus on external issues in others we can let go of our own issues.

Why not notice in your practice if you catch yourself being judgmental, and then stop.

After all, you are being judgmental of yourself anyway.  

When we pass judgment we are not being giving or truly being happy people.

When you choose to look at yourself first and accept the work that needs to be done there, you will find a happier path in your journey. 

As You Are - Personal Practice

I have been struggling to outline my goals and intentions.

I had clearly outlined direction for myself in the past and wanted to do the same again.  

My issue, I’ve been trying too hard! 

I want everything to look as good to me as it did the last time I practiced this exercise.  

I want to have all my goals reached now!  Rush, rush, rush!

Then I took a couple of classes with different teachers and I received messages that are so relevant to me in the present.

The first message, be patient with myself to accept myself and to be kind to myself.  

I started to think I really need to be in this moment, as I am.  There is nothing more or less to define me than this moment.  If I take it one step at a time I will find and reach my goals.  I do not have to force something onto myself just because it sounds good.

The second message was a reminder to be kind and be of service to others and I will receive.  

I started to think how fortunate I truly am.  I identified some of my demanding behavior of recent weeks in order to find my intentions and realized I had been less than giving to others.  I saw some of my behavior as ego driven or demanding of equality.  I decided I needed to embrace this lesson and remember that to be of service and to give to others without expectation of return is what it means to truly be a giving person.

So I melded the lessons and found a direction to be, as I am.

I may not be able to let go of all ego driven behavior or have lesser expectations, but I can practice to accept them.  

With acceptance as I am, I have seen I recognize my emotions and behavior more easily.  

It’s a practice.  I practice to accept who I am and my journey.

With small adjustments and patience I will achieve those changes I envision for myself.

Right now, I will be as I am! 

As You Are - Yoga Lesson

As you are, it means something different to each of us.

We often think into the future and how we are going to be.  We get so focused on the outcome that is all we can think about.

Then, it change doesn’t happen fast enough.  We get discouraged and talk ourselves out of trying maybe or just give up.

The challenge is to accept yourself every moment as you are.  To be in the moment and allow it for what it is.

If you don’t like the moment, or even the day, you can be comforted by the knowledge that it will change.  The moments will be different in a few hours or the next day.  Give yourself patience and acceptance.

As You Are!