I have noticed a consistent message being delivered from those closest to me over the last months. The message has been that I should accept help.
The funny thing with this is I want help. I ask for help. When it comes time for someone to provide the help, I decline it or do it myself before they can deliver the help.
I identified a trait of mine and it’s, I like to do it myself.
I also see this workaholic trait I have in which I do everything myself because I think I can do it best.
How many years I have wasted as a martyr! Oh woos with me, I have to do it all myself because no one will help me. Or, the attitude that, no one understands how hard I work or what my work is like. If they did understand then they wouldn’t put so many pressures on me in personal life.
Ugh!
It all comes to my inability to ask for help.
With this trait I find I pass a lot of judgment onto those closest to me because I think they should be working harder or I shouldn’t have to ask for help as they would just know what needs to be done.
It all came to a head this past week, my inability to ask for help or receive it.
First I caused someone I care about to have hurt feelings because I took care of a chore on my own without giving them a chance to help.
Second I refused to accept help from a teacher in Yoga Class of all places. I actually argued with her during class about the adjustment, with a smile on my face no less. I started to pass judgment on her teaching style harshly within my mind. Then I realized, Woo Nelly! Stop! You are passing judgment. Why?
As I lay there in class my behavior hit me like a truck in the chest! I realized WOW I need to let others help me. I won’t always know the best way and I can’t always do it myself.
The practice of being in the moment really paid off as I just received the lesson of a lifetime from a teacher that didn’t even know how much she had helped me.
I thanked her for the class and apologized for my behavior.
Thank goodness for the practice of self awareness!
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