If a Door Closes-Another Opens - Personal Practice

I have spent significant time in my life recreating a past that will not be changed.

I’ve gone back and tried to relive moments to force a different outcome.

I kept getting the same result.  

It took me awhile to realize why.  

I was living constantly in my past.  I was recreating it each moment of the now.  My anticipation for the future revolved around fixing the past.

This was hard to let go of.  It’s taken a lot of practice, self awareness, and pain to get through the moments when all I wanted to do was go back.

I kept repeating to myself “I can’t go back, my life is this moment”.  

It took a lot longer than I thought it would to get through this trend I had of trying to fix my past.

Along with this pattern of trying to fix my past, I kept thinking I’ll be happy if I achieve “this or that”.  

The “this or that” kept changing as I inserted “this or that” into my recreation of the past.  I kept thinking the future will be better if I can fix the past and I’ll insert this new “this or that” into the scenario to make it work.

I’d think that “once I fix this and mold it just a little differently to eliminate the bad parts I’ll be happy”.

What a realization it was to realize what I was doing.  How enlightening it is when I catch myself now trying to fix my future by recreating my past.

I practice letting each moment and experience be as it is, and it’s hard.

I want to compare and cross relate experiences and people.  I know I can not.  

I practice being in the moment and recognizing how unique and special it is.

When I do not let the moment be unique, I run the risk of ruining something special.

I will let each moment be unique and special!