This last week I found myself wanting to step back into old habits still. I longed for the comfort of my own company, but at the same time struggled with the realization that I am ready to share who I am with another person.
I had this idea that sharing with another would be easy. But I always knew it would be work too. It is both easy and work.
I didn’t know that my subconscious would step in and I would unknowingly seek out the comfort learned behavior of my past. I didn’t know that the thoughts that are so familiar to me that I work so hard to be aware of and step away from would creep back in so easily.
It’s not the relationship, it’s not the happiness I find with the relationship, it’s not the hard work that comes with adjusting your life to fit new relationship, but it’s the subconscious thoughts that are getting me now.
The subconscious gets you when you are feeling vulnerable and you need comforting. When the newness of a relationship is starting to wear off and you are becoming more familiar with someone you may question where you stand. When you start to question, you open yourself up to self ridicule.
That’s when those old thoughts and the ego are right there to step right in and take over.
The challenge is not letting them!
I have learned to refrain from initial negative reaction if I find myself getting anxious or defensive. I stop and ask myself if I need time to think this through. The answer is most definitely a YES!
Given time I allow myself to check in on the thoughts and I am able to realize that I am potentially causing drama and strife for myself needlessly by allowing old habits.
They may be comfortable, but they have not served me in the past.
I choose to be patient. I choose to listen to my heart. I choose to use my conscious to keep my subconscious in check.
I choose!
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