Help! - Personal Practice

I use to find asking for help a very hard endeavor, as for most of my life I either expected it or refused to ask for help from those in my life.

In certain relationships I would expect help, and when I did not receive it I would act like a martyr and pout if it was not provided.  Even though the person I expected it from had no idea of my expectations for help.

In other relationships I would refuse to ask for help.  I would struggle and make my life miserable in an attempt to do what ever I needed help with on my own.

And in many situations, if I was offered help, I would start to sweat and get nervous.  I would think to myself, I have to do this on my own and I feel stupid that this person knows I need help.  I physically and emotionally became very uncomfortable and upset.

I refused to admit to myself that I needed help.

I even refused to ask a higher power for help.

Then there was the day that I could not take my life as it was any longer.  I was at a dead end and needed to figure a way out of a predicament.

I asked for help from friends that I would never have asked for help from before.  In fact I would go out of my way to offer help to them, but never accept it if they offered.

The response was amazing!  They opened their hearts to me fully and I felt overwhelmed by the amazing response to my request.

This was a pivotal turning point in my life.  I realized the power of asking for help!

Asking for help has been a journey for me.  At times I still struggle with the concept of help, even after years of practice.

There are times when I still sweat when someone offers help.  As well I struggle to ask for help when I need it.

I notice when I struggle after taking the time to acknowledge I have this issue of asking for help.  

I continue to learn about myself and know myself.  

I continue to practice.