Drama - Personal Practice

Wow have I been creating a lot of drama in my life this past week!!!

I started out the week feeling so accomplished, I'd finished all these chores I needed to get off my plate the week before and was looking forward to less stress in my life.

I had fun plans for the weekend ahead, but found myself running around like a "Mad Woman" to "make" them more fun for everyone else.  

I felt I had to do this, it was my responsibility.  The appropriate response in hindsight to this expectation of myself is: "NOT"!

I stressed about not having enough time and tried to put my lack of preparation onto someone else for this weekend plan.  I apologized immediately for my having a crazy moment and trying to place blame.

But, I found something else to complain about later that day.

The next day there were no incidents, but I wanted something done for me that wasn't done.  I didn't ask for this something, I didn't mention any disappointment, but I stewed about it that day, and the next, and the next day after that too.

On another day during this past week I had this wonderful and deep conversation, but found fault in another's thoughts and feelings during conversation.  How could they not see how their words impacted "ME"?

My feeling were hurt and I refused to talk about it for a good 12 hours, I even went to bed upset.  

Lucky for me I have understanding people in my life!  The incident was calmly discussed, apologies were made and I took time to reflect upon my actions.  I also discussed my actions with a friend who would be kind enough to "just listen".  As I talked through it I could see where I took my own issues and tried to make them the issues of the someone I was arguing with.  I didn't really like how unfair I had been.   

The day got better from there, but yes, you guessed it, I still found something to complain about.  It's almost hysterical because the thing I tried to complain about and put on someone else was turned right back onto me.  Why?  Because it was my idea to do the thing I was complaining about!! I simply said in response to the other not owning my issue "Well, I didn't think it would be like this.  I rely on you to let me know what to expect."  Still again, the day was saved be taking a better attitude.

Oh, and the week is still not over.  My feelings were hurt once again.  But at least this time I didn't wait 12 hours. 

I was excited!!!  I had plans and I knew exactly how things were going to go.  But then my expectations weren't met.  How could, once again, another  not know what they were supposed to do?

I wined about it and I also brought up the "something" I didn't ask for and had been stewing about during the past few days.  I was calmly informed that my perspective is not the perspective of the person I was having issue with and others in my life can not be expected to be mind readers.  I was also informed that I have set some high expectations for myself and of others and that I should "stop".  I sat and pouted a little bit about this.  But pulled myself together and managed to have a great rest of the day.

Which brings me to this morning as I stomped around once again because things were not going my way.  I was being challenged, and I didn't like it!  I just want to do things my way and to be left alone.

With this reaction, I found myself thinking hard about what this weeks lesson would be.  I was all upset!  How could I be inspirational and positive with all this drama!!!

So, I sat with my drama.  I reflected on the happenings of this past week.