The Way - Personal Practice

I have been watching my thoughts with intent this past week.  

I found myself wondering "what is it that I'm supposed to do with my life"?

I noticed that I think things and then question why I thought something so off the wall in the first place.

I noticed I spend a lot of time thinking about the past and the future, but mostly the past.  When I catch myself doing this, I remind myself to be in the moment.

Being in the moment is HARD!  

I'm comfortable with all my knowledge, the things I know about myself and life.  I want to keep doing what I've always done because it feels good to stick with the familiar.  I want someone or something to provide direction.  I seek out teachers who provide inspiration in hope that I'll find that something I'm looking for.  I'm looking for my something to come to me with ease.  I'm waiting for the light bulb to go off.

I've spent a good portion of my life waiting for a sign or looking for inspiration in others.  I've looked deeply into the way others do things and how they "achieve" life, or I should say "how it seems" they achieve life from the outside / objective view.  I emulated others by taking the best of what they are then created plans on how best to live my life and go about accomplishing tasks to be what appears to others as "successful".

This has kept me moving forward and working hard and even working non-stop.  I've "collected" successess.  I have kept moving forward without thought as to why I'm moving forward.  I let my ego be stroked, I've told myself the success and acknowledgement of that success by others is why I should keep moving forward.  I have kept moving forward looking for that next complement.

Now, I'm practicing questioning my motives as I move forward.  I'm questioning why I'm making the choices I make.  

In all this practice I'm trying to be as honest as I can with myself about my thoughts.  Are they valuable thoughts for my life and purpose, or are they something to pass the time?  Are they thoughts that lead to "My Way" in life or are they plans I'm making to outline tasks I need to accomplish just to keep myself busy, or receive that complement I seem to thrive on?

I challenge myself because I want that something, I want something that only I know the answer to.  

I value my teachers.  Each teacher provides a lesson just when we are ready to receive that lesson for our personal journey.  It is up to each individual on what they do with the lesson.  Teachers can be found everywhere.  They help each of us on our way.

I don't know the answer yet to "My Way", but I'll continue to keep looking.