Stress - Personal Practice

Stress has been a part of my life longer than I would like to admit.

I often find stress consuming me and waking me up in the middle of the night.  The issue at hand varies, but the source that feeds the issues is my need to have everything “Perfect” and be perceived as “Perfect”.

The need to be perfect in all things comes from direction and guidance I received in my youth.

As a result I attach to a request made by others, or requests I make of myself, I first feel obligated and then I won’t let go till the request is accomplished beyond my satisfaction.

Amazingly I have been practicing to let go of this attitude and how it stresses my life for years and I continue to practice daily.

When I first started to practice I kept thinking that if I just complete this “one more thing”, then I can let go of stress.  But I slowly started to realize that it wasn’t getting better.  That’s when the real work began, I had to stop diverting my attention and focus on the cause of the stresses in my life.

When I gave myself time to realize I was feeling stressed and what I was stressed about, I asked myself the hard questions like “why is this even important to me?”  Many times, it wasn’t.  

Often I just felt obligated.  I needed to work.  I wanted to feel needed.  I wanted to feel important.  I wanted others to see me as being accomplished.  Even through at the time I didn’t feel any of these things in my heart.  I was driven to be perceived by others as perfect.

The only time I felt less stressed was when I received a complement.  Or I received in some form recognition for my efforts.

As I started to see this pattern I tried to let it go, but I couldn’t.  The need was ingrained in me and the stressful feelings were too familiar to “just let go”.

I would tell myself to not be stressed, but it was easy to say vs. do.

Time has been helpful in this part of my journey.  With time I have practiced recognizing where a stress is coming from and why I am reacting the way I am.

Often I have noticed where I’ve tried to put the blame on someone else for my own insecurity and created stress in my relationships.

With practice, I now take time to breathe and calm down.  I refrain from reacting to my stresses.  I recognize the stressor for what it is and I choose to take responsibility and find a new way to react.

Thank Goodness for Time!  Thank Goodness for Patient, Understanding, and Supportive people in my life!

Letting Go of Stress is easier said than done!