I found myself being irritated by small things this past week.
Nothing significant or noteworthy especially. It's just the day to day little things that get to me in life, but I move on after deciding that it's not really that big a deal to complain about because I'm sure the person irritating me isn't intentionally doing so.
The irony in this was that I was challenged for small irritating things I do.
Now, this challenge visibly irritated me.
I countered the challenge by saying to the person "just let it go, be a happy person", and then remained quite the rest of the evening.
But then the next morning, I started to reflect on my own long list of irritants with this person.
I noticed that when I'm irritated with the small things in life I don't tell people I'm irritated. I will pick up someone else's mess and grip about it to myself, but I soon forget about it and move onto the next thing on my task list. All these small things seem, well, small. That is until I feel attacked by the person regarding a small thing they are irritated with me about.
The troublesome thing about my behavior is that I get defensive, but I do so in my own mind. The other person has no idea that I've decided I don't have to put up with such nonsense.
The self talk goes something like: Look at all that I have done for this person and they don't even appreciate it, but they think it's okay to nag me about small things they want me to do. What about what I want?! How can they not notice all the small things I do for them? Don't they know I don't want to do these things? I do them to be nice!
I decided this self talk was destructive and took time to reflected on my past irritants with others. I noticed the a trend...
I don't talk about the small things.
I start to feel justified in my dismissing the other's needs because I'm not getting what I need.
I talk myself into a life where I don't need anyone else...I'll just do everything myself.
In this reflection I noticed a big problem with the small things in my life. I don't talk about them and I dwell on them with a negative attitude when it suits me.
So, it's my choice. I can practice being more direct and honest about these small things in little doses or I can blow them out of proportion and get defensive when someone challenges me on something small.
Ah...the things you learn about yourself while in reflection.
