I’ve been challenged to devote myself to something this week and I’ve taken it to heart!
I have known for some time now that I need a fresh perspective on my life and that I must remove some old painful memories from my everyday presence to allow for new and positive experiences in my life.
I found myself so caught up in the belief that the old memories were so wonderful and a part of my life, that I had to keep them present.
As I became more aware of the thoughts that ran through my mind as I was face-to-face with the memories, I realized I had a pattern of being happy for having the memory, and then sad for the way the relationship turned out.
I was constantly torturing myself. Because the memory at one time was a good memory, I thought it always would have a positive association.
When I realized this was not the case. I had to morn the loss of the memory in my presence. I could not remove it right away. As I practiced awareness and time passed, I became increasingly aware of how unhealthy it was for me every time I saw the pictures, the container for the notes, or the special piece of furniture.
I then little by little became ready to let go and I slowly started the process of doing so. I first started by purchasing some new items, I then made some changes to the furniture, and last but not least I removed the pictures and notes. From start to finish this process took a little over three months.
The last part was the hardest! I begrudgingly removed the pictures and notes after the challenge to devote myself to something this week. I hadn’t realized how much I attached myself to those specific memories and how I have enjoyed sharing them with others.
Odd thing though was that the sharing of them was a catalyst to talk about the pain with others.
As I removed the pictures and put them in a bin for safe keeping in my basement, I sobbed. I hadn’t expected to do that. I let the tears come.
I won’t forget my memories. And at sometime down the road when it’s not so painful and they haven’t been a constant reminder of the past, I’ll look at them again and enjoy them the way they are meant to be enjoyed.
Being a healthy person is a process that takes practice, self awareness, and self honesty. It’s worth the pain to get to the part of moving on with life.
