Drama - Personal Practice

Wow have I been creating a lot of drama in my life this past week!!!

I started out the week feeling so accomplished, I'd finished all these chores I needed to get off my plate the week before and was looking forward to less stress in my life.

I had fun plans for the weekend ahead, but found myself running around like a "Mad Woman" to "make" them more fun for everyone else.  

I felt I had to do this, it was my responsibility.  The appropriate response in hindsight to this expectation of myself is: "NOT"!

I stressed about not having enough time and tried to put my lack of preparation onto someone else for this weekend plan.  I apologized immediately for my having a crazy moment and trying to place blame.

But, I found something else to complain about later that day.

The next day there were no incidents, but I wanted something done for me that wasn't done.  I didn't ask for this something, I didn't mention any disappointment, but I stewed about it that day, and the next, and the next day after that too.

On another day during this past week I had this wonderful and deep conversation, but found fault in another's thoughts and feelings during conversation.  How could they not see how their words impacted "ME"?

My feeling were hurt and I refused to talk about it for a good 12 hours, I even went to bed upset.  

Lucky for me I have understanding people in my life!  The incident was calmly discussed, apologies were made and I took time to reflect upon my actions.  I also discussed my actions with a friend who would be kind enough to "just listen".  As I talked through it I could see where I took my own issues and tried to make them the issues of the someone I was arguing with.  I didn't really like how unfair I had been.   

The day got better from there, but yes, you guessed it, I still found something to complain about.  It's almost hysterical because the thing I tried to complain about and put on someone else was turned right back onto me.  Why?  Because it was my idea to do the thing I was complaining about!! I simply said in response to the other not owning my issue "Well, I didn't think it would be like this.  I rely on you to let me know what to expect."  Still again, the day was saved be taking a better attitude.

Oh, and the week is still not over.  My feelings were hurt once again.  But at least this time I didn't wait 12 hours. 

I was excited!!!  I had plans and I knew exactly how things were going to go.  But then my expectations weren't met.  How could, once again, another  not know what they were supposed to do?

I wined about it and I also brought up the "something" I didn't ask for and had been stewing about during the past few days.  I was calmly informed that my perspective is not the perspective of the person I was having issue with and others in my life can not be expected to be mind readers.  I was also informed that I have set some high expectations for myself and of others and that I should "stop".  I sat and pouted a little bit about this.  But pulled myself together and managed to have a great rest of the day.

Which brings me to this morning as I stomped around once again because things were not going my way.  I was being challenged, and I didn't like it!  I just want to do things my way and to be left alone.

With this reaction, I found myself thinking hard about what this weeks lesson would be.  I was all upset!  How could I be inspirational and positive with all this drama!!!

So, I sat with my drama.  I reflected on the happenings of this past week.

Drama - Yoga Lesson

We all experience "Drama" at some point in our lives.

And at some point either you or those close to you will say "Hey!  I don't want any drama."

But if you look back at your experiences that centered around some sort of drama, you may find either yourself or the other person may have been looking for "The Bad Guy".

It's easy to feel free of the issue at hand when someone else can be the "Bad Guy"

You may even convince the other person they are the bad guy.

Maybe what is really happening in these moments of drama is that you are looking for, or experiencing, change and transition.

The challenge is being honest with ourselves when this happens because it's so easy to get caught up in our own worlds that we look for anything similar in others to hone in on.  

If it's an issue with someone else, we don't have to work on ourselves and our own personal challenges. 

So maybe watch your thoughts during moments of drama in your life.  

When you find your thoughts centered around how you think you know what another person is thinking, ask yourself "how do I know?"

The answers may surprise you.

Be honest with yourself to be drama free.

The Way - Personal Practice

I have been watching my thoughts with intent this past week.  

I found myself wondering "what is it that I'm supposed to do with my life"?

I noticed that I think things and then question why I thought something so off the wall in the first place.

I noticed I spend a lot of time thinking about the past and the future, but mostly the past.  When I catch myself doing this, I remind myself to be in the moment.

Being in the moment is HARD!  

I'm comfortable with all my knowledge, the things I know about myself and life.  I want to keep doing what I've always done because it feels good to stick with the familiar.  I want someone or something to provide direction.  I seek out teachers who provide inspiration in hope that I'll find that something I'm looking for.  I'm looking for my something to come to me with ease.  I'm waiting for the light bulb to go off.

I've spent a good portion of my life waiting for a sign or looking for inspiration in others.  I've looked deeply into the way others do things and how they "achieve" life, or I should say "how it seems" they achieve life from the outside / objective view.  I emulated others by taking the best of what they are then created plans on how best to live my life and go about accomplishing tasks to be what appears to others as "successful".

This has kept me moving forward and working hard and even working non-stop.  I've "collected" successess.  I have kept moving forward without thought as to why I'm moving forward.  I let my ego be stroked, I've told myself the success and acknowledgement of that success by others is why I should keep moving forward.  I have kept moving forward looking for that next complement.

Now, I'm practicing questioning my motives as I move forward.  I'm questioning why I'm making the choices I make.  

In all this practice I'm trying to be as honest as I can with myself about my thoughts.  Are they valuable thoughts for my life and purpose, or are they something to pass the time?  Are they thoughts that lead to "My Way" in life or are they plans I'm making to outline tasks I need to accomplish just to keep myself busy, or receive that complement I seem to thrive on?

I challenge myself because I want that something, I want something that only I know the answer to.  

I value my teachers.  Each teacher provides a lesson just when we are ready to receive that lesson for our personal journey.  It is up to each individual on what they do with the lesson.  Teachers can be found everywhere.  They help each of us on our way.

I don't know the answer yet to "My Way", but I'll continue to keep looking.

The Way - Yoga Lesson

We all have times where we want to be told what to do and how to do it.  

We do not want to have to think about "what it is" that keeps us moving forward.

We like to follow the crowd and do what others are doing.

It's nice to not have to dig deeper.  It's nice to let someone else or society worry about the answers.

What if you did dig deeper?

What if you knew you what you wanted, what that something is that keeps you moving forward?

Only you know what that something is.  

All the answers come from within you.

There is a way to live life, to live your life.  That way is unique for each of us.

Find "Your Way".

Stress - Personal Practice

Stress has been a part of my life longer than I would like to admit.

I often find stress consuming me and waking me up in the middle of the night.  The issue at hand varies, but the source that feeds the issues is my need to have everything “Perfect” and be perceived as “Perfect”.

The need to be perfect in all things comes from direction and guidance I received in my youth.

As a result I attach to a request made by others, or requests I make of myself, I first feel obligated and then I won’t let go till the request is accomplished beyond my satisfaction.

Amazingly I have been practicing to let go of this attitude and how it stresses my life for years and I continue to practice daily.

When I first started to practice I kept thinking that if I just complete this “one more thing”, then I can let go of stress.  But I slowly started to realize that it wasn’t getting better.  That’s when the real work began, I had to stop diverting my attention and focus on the cause of the stresses in my life.

When I gave myself time to realize I was feeling stressed and what I was stressed about, I asked myself the hard questions like “why is this even important to me?”  Many times, it wasn’t.  

Often I just felt obligated.  I needed to work.  I wanted to feel needed.  I wanted to feel important.  I wanted others to see me as being accomplished.  Even through at the time I didn’t feel any of these things in my heart.  I was driven to be perceived by others as perfect.

The only time I felt less stressed was when I received a complement.  Or I received in some form recognition for my efforts.

As I started to see this pattern I tried to let it go, but I couldn’t.  The need was ingrained in me and the stressful feelings were too familiar to “just let go”.

I would tell myself to not be stressed, but it was easy to say vs. do.

Time has been helpful in this part of my journey.  With time I have practiced recognizing where a stress is coming from and why I am reacting the way I am.

Often I have noticed where I’ve tried to put the blame on someone else for my own insecurity and created stress in my relationships.

With practice, I now take time to breathe and calm down.  I refrain from reacting to my stresses.  I recognize the stressor for what it is and I choose to take responsibility and find a new way to react.

Thank Goodness for Time!  Thank Goodness for Patient, Understanding, and Supportive people in my life!

Letting Go of Stress is easier said than done!  

Stress - Yoga Lesson

Focus on your breath can take you a long way in letting go of stress.

When things seem to be a bit too much to handle and stress is getting the best of you, breathe.

Breathe and then remind yourself that the emotion causing stress will pass.

Start to breathe and take the focus of the breath to the areas of the body that you are holding your stress.  You may start to slowly and clearly identify where the stress is originating from when practicing this.  

Identifying the source of the stress may help you to identify the attachment to the stressor.

When you see your attachment to the issue causing the stress, you can practice moving on and letting it go.  Then you can focus on finding a calm breath and a relaxed mind and body.

Realizing the source and attachment, and then practicing letting it go, will help you in achieving a task that is easier said than done!

Understanding - Personal Practice

This last week I was really agitated because I felt like I wasn’t being understood.

I felt like I was a becoming a bit of a martyr with regard to the issue at hand.

It’s odd I felt this way because my perspective was being accepted and accommodated, but it wasn’t being understood.

I wanted desperately to be understood.  

I still do!

But I realized I can’t force understanding on someone else.  I have to let time bring understanding to the situation.

It was the realization in reflection upon “understanding” that I remembered times in my life when it took a long time for me to gain understanding regarding a point another was trying to make.

When the “light bulb went on” for me in those times, sometimes I could reflect back years and think “Oh, that’s what they meant!”

When I realized this I had more understanding for the other person who was trying so hard to accommodate me, even though they could not honestly understand why I was (or am) so agitated.

Sometimes our life experience leads us to a perspective, a view of how things ought to be.  This then leads us to live life in a way that we understand and feel is the right way to live life.  The challenge with this is that others most likely will not have that same perspective until they gain the same understanding.

I want patience and understanding when I do not agree with another person’s perspective.  So I choose to practice understanding, even when understanding is all I’m asking for.

I’m honestly struggling with this practice.  The situation I’m requesting understanding on is coming up in similar circumstance.  It’s hard not to see it, blatantly. 

I trust with practice and a kind approach to point out why I’m agitated I’ll be able to calm down more quickly each time a similar situation arises until the other person gains understanding.

I’ll continue to practice understanding!